Life Off the Grid 40 –
July 23, 2012
Noon
The roofers were here!
I was beginning to think them mythical. Even better... they say they
could build a quad path. I just want it to happen, without Jeff and
me spending days and days working brutally hard, sweltering in the
heat and getting bitten by bugs and scratched by branches. Is that
wrong?
I want to be able to
bring propane down by quad. That would be sweet. I am usually very
frugal, but sometimes it just makes sense to throw money at a problem
to make it go away.
2:40 PM
Been painting. Think
I've had a bit too much sun. Again. Drinking lots of water, but it's
32C in the shade. Can't do any more. So, what job to tackle next?
Sorting tools? I really have to get some practice on the quad.
Tearing up the old boat rails in the boathouse? Sigh. It's hot. I
just want to go for a swim. Also, Jeff wants me to go up the tall
ladder to roof height and see if I get signal on my phone. One of
the roof guys said he had 2 bars of service when he was on the roof.
I guess maybe that's something I can do. Terrifying as it is.
3:00 PM
Ok. Did the roof thing.
Feel all jangly inside. I didn't used to be afraid of heights. One
place we lived when Heather was little, I used to climb up a tree
next to the house and sit on the roof and read when she was having a
nap. I revelled in being up high, above the world. And I'm not
thinking scary things, not consciously. But I get up a ladder like
that now and my legs have a mind of their own, shaking violently in
spite of my efforts to calm them.
I have had some scary
incidents. The leg shaking thing began the very first time I skied
downhill at an almost real ski hill. Ok, Holiday Mountain in
Manitoba, but before that I had only skied at a sort of deep ditch on
the outskirts of Winnipeg. It was early in the day. The trails had
not all been groomed and somehow Jeff and I wound up at the top of a
black run, which was all ice. Now, I have skied a lot since then,
but I am still pretty proud to navigate the blue runs at Lake Louise
and Sunshine. I am not a black diamond girl. And this was years ago.
I was just starting out. I started down, but quickly lost control
and felt myself going much faster than I wanted to. Instinctively, I
tucked down, making myself closer to the ground and as small as
possible. This, as those of you who ski know, is not the right thing
to do. Jeff, standing helplessly at the top of the run watching, was
wondering 1) what the hell I was doing and 2) what he would tell the
kids when he came home with their mother in a body bag. I was not
adept at turning at this point. Fortunately, where the path curved
there was brush rather than trees. I crashed and, mercifully, came to
a stop. I was unhurt, physically. However, the terror I felt
careening out of control seemed to transfer to my legs.
Jeff guided me down the
rest of the way slowly, and I went and had a hot chocolate, confident
I would stop shaking soon. And I did. Until the next time I was in
line for the chair lift. Then I almost fell down, my legs were
shaking so hard. I made myself go up again and again, carefully
sticking to the easy runs. And it got better. My confidence was
shaken again, later in the day, when the tip of one ski somehow got
caught as I was trying to dismount from the chair lift. I
face-planted. Which was more embarrassing then anything else.
As I said, I have skied
a lot since then. I did have a major melt-down at one point at Lake
Louise where the slope just looked too steep for a human being to get
down without being on their belly. I can do that run now. I am not
as good a skier as my husband and my son, not even close. They spend
their ski days looking for the fastest, most challenging runs they
can find. I am quite content with the challenge of the green and
blue runs. I can now do black runs at Manitoba ski hills, like
Assissippi, but they are like an easy blue run in the mountains. If
Jeff and I ski “together” it means he is off at Goat's Head or
Delirium Dive and I'm doing my thing and we meet for lunch and at the
end of the day.
But I fought past the
panic and fear to do this and now I can do it. I can ski and not be
in a cold trembling sweat. And yet, the panic seems to be
manifesting in all kinds of awkward places involving heights. Up a
ladder trying to change a light bulb in our house in Alberta
(seriously, cathedral ceilings are over-rated, especially when you
are the one who has to reach the light fixtures way up there), or
painting up a ladder... Very annoying.
3:30 PM
Ok. I have decided. I
have done one really scary thing today and that is good enough. No
cell signal at roof height, by the way. I will burn my kitchen
garbage, because it's a nice, still day. And then I will figure out
what to do next.
Garbage burned. One
bag of burnable garbage in 12 days. And one bag of carry-out
garbage. Also, I went and struggled with the rails in the boathouse.
I felt like a fly trying to move a building. Glue and long nails.
No amount of prying with the pry-bar could shift them even a little.
I am not big enough. Frustrating!
I am terribly sweaty
now. The dogs have been very patient all day with me working. I
suspect some playing in the lake is owed to them. I can't say what a
relief it is to know the roof is going to be taken care of without
Jeff or me having to go up there. That would be at least 4 days of
his stay of 8 days, including travel days (and never mind the days it
would take me to carry all those packages of shingles down!). Add in
putting the solar panels on the roof and doing wiring, there is
precious little time left for him to relax. And that's no good at
all. Especially if he is adamant about building that quad path.
That's a lot of work. I would rather outsource it. There is pride
in building something yourself. But there is also something to be
said for just having it and being able to use it. It could be a
couple of years before we could get it finished and workable. I say,
let the guys who know what they are doing set it up. They will do it
much faster and it will probably be better than what we would wind up
with.
7:10 PM
The dogs and I have
been playing in the water for the past couple of hours. Guinness was
more energetic and did more swimming that he has for a long time.
Good. I need him tired because his medication (prednisone) has really
kicked in and he is drinking a LOT of water. And so he is getting me
up in the night so he can pee. I have had awful sleeps for the past
week because of standing in mosquito land waiting for him to come
back from extensive peeing adventures. And then when I come in I am
wide awake, plus a bunch of mosquitoes come in with us so I am
battling them for an hour or more before I can go back to sleep. I am
feeling like I did with a baby in the house. Just tired. Horribly,
deeply tired all the time.
I think I'm hungry.
It's tiring, tiring out the dogs. I swam too. A lot. Washed my hair,
which is a joy. A clean scalp is a wonderful thing. Living without
benefit of hot running water, you really start to appreciate getting
to wash your hair.
Fresh food is running
very low. It's only Monday, so I have until Friday to cope with
living on dried grains. I could drive to Kenora, and I might. But I
don't really want to. It seems a dreadful waste of time and gas,
since I am going to Winnipeg on Friday. There is no fresh food at
Wilson's, but I suppose if I get really sick of what I have I could
go there for a can of beans or something. Ugh. If they had yoghurt
and fresh veggies I would be set. I realize now, weekly trips to
Kenora were centred around getting access to communication with the
outside world. Of course, there was always stuff that was needed:
groceries, lumber, paint, whatever. But getting news from the family
was always really an important part and I would go in once a week
even if I wasn't getting desperately low on food. Now I have some
sporadic cell access from here... Fewer trips to town I think.
The dogs are sacked
out.
In Winnipeg I will
stock up again on organic foods. And whatever Katherine and Ty want
to eat. Alas, they are not tolerant of my mostly vegan, whole grains
and vegetable diet. They will want to eat meat. And Kraft dinner. And
chips. And grilled cheese sandwiches and Ramen noodles.
8:45 PM
Quinoa cooking for
dinner. Appealing food stocks are growing low. Very hungry now, so
this will do.
I hope Guinness will
sleep tonight. Just went out and played ball with them for another 20
minutes. Guinness is lying on the deck. Too hot to come in, too
bothered by bugs to sleep out there. Ah, maybe he has had enough with
the bugs... In he comes.
I'm so tired. And
hungry. And tired...
9:00 PM
Dinner is cooked. But
too hot to eat. Aaaarrrrgh. HUNGRY!
9:15 Pm
Food finally cooled
enough to eat. Hurray!
9:25 PM
Food was so good.
Hunger is an amazing seasoning.
Time to go read and
text.
