Rage Issues in Alberta

I had an encounter with a real live angry Albertan today.

I messed up my hand skiing just after Christmas. For quite a while I couldn't drive our quad, which I normally use for snow clearing. Then, when I was recovered enough to drive it, it appeared to have developed an engine problem and a flat tire. Our driveway was a bit snowy, but no one seemed to have any problems getting in and out. There was snow pack and no sinking in or getting stuck.

This past weekend was warm and there was a lot of melting. And freezing overnight last night. This morning a delivery truck got hung up on the ice. The driver got mad and spun his tires, digging his way down into the ice/snow driveway coating.

I noticed he was having a problem and I put on my coat and boots and went out to help. Winnipeg girl here. We always come out to help, even if it's not in our driveway.

I get outside and the dude is raging. He's in the cab of his van and he's yelling obscenities and pounding the steering wheel and spinning the tires.

I go to the front of the van and start to rock it. Like you are supposed to when you're stuck. After a little bit he hops out and, still yelling, grabs an ice breaker tool we keep near the front door in the winter and starts whacking at the ice.

For more than half an hour we work at trying to get the van moving. He's yelling and swearing most of the time. At one point he punched his van hard enough to dent it. He'd work the ice breaker or a snow shovel and then throw it at the house.

At one point he threw himself down on his back in the snow in our front yard and screamed at the sky for awhile.

He variously tried to back out while I pushed, or ordered me into the truck to try to back it up while he pushed it.

I fetched ice melt and put it down behind the tires. I fetched kitty litter and put it down behind the tires.

Among the things he was yelling during most of this was "Fucking MORON!" Over and over. Which I felt was directed at me.

I actually felt unsafe with this raging guy in my driveway. I began to make calculations about how long it would take me to get to my front door and get in without letting the dogs out, how long it would take to get the door shut and locked and where did I leave my cell phone? Would it be better to try to outrun him to the neighbours'? Was there anyone at home over there? We are not in town. It's a not a short dash to the neighbours' door. And always the possibility of tripping and falling along the way. I put some serious thought into all of this.

A little about this guy. I'm guessing here, but maybe in his late 40s. Dark hair but turning grey at the temples. Classic biker look. Long hair, big beard, leather jacket. Not a small guy. I am 5'2". He had about 8 inches in height and at least 60 pounds on me. Plus he was in a white-hot rage. I wouldn't put money on me if he decided to attack.

I honestly think he wanted to hit me. To his credit, he took himself for a couple of walks down our road, presumably to get himself under control. I was drawing lines in my head. What behaviours would be a sufficiently threatening cue for me to break into a run? I would obviously rather take that run preemptively than suddenly having to react to a fist or shovel or ice-breaker aimed at my head.

Part of me wanted to say, "Just chill the fuck out, dude. You're stuck. It's not the end of the world." But I was afraid and I kept my mouth shut so as not to anger him further.

I can't describe my relief when the van finally shifted and he was able to leave. As he left I said, "I hope the rest of your day goes better..." but he ignored me and drove away. I went inside and sat down and shook for awhile.

I still feel all jangled and upset.

I don't know what issues this guy has going on. Maybe he is facing some terrible life challenges. I have an urge to be compassionate. But at the same time, I am afraid that next time he has a setback of any kind someone is going to get hurt.

I have been debating all day whether to call the company he works for. I know that he knows where I live. I am afraid if I get him into trouble, he might come back and retaliate. People do that, sometimes. I am afraid if I don't, he will actually hurt someone.

I feel angry that I was made to feel afraid in my own yard. I continue to be afraid. If I do nothing and he comes to deliver things in the future, I will have to have my door locked and my phone in my hand. If I call his employers, I am afraid he will come after me or my house.

My husband, when he got home and I told him about it, said if I didn't call, he would. That kind of behaviour is just not on. But he isn't here alone during the day. And, besides, he's a big guy. Bigger than the guy freaking out on our driveway. He probably wouldn't have felt so vulnerable.

I feel angry that someone was able to make me afraid. I don't get afraid. I'm little, but I have never put up with being pushed around or intimidated. I hate to feel vulnerable. I AM NOT A VICTIM.

 Still deciding what to do. What words to use if/when I call his employers and let them know he can't come here anymore. If someone gets that angry over being stuck in the snow, what would they be like if they got fired?

Freaking scary...

Update: I did wind up calling his employer the next morning. I said, "So, there was an incident..." And the dispatcher immediately asked, "Was anyone hurt? Any property damage?" And I said no, because no one was hurt. I was pretty shaken up, but not physically injured.

The dispatcher informed me that the guy was no longer working for the company. Nothing to do with me. Apparently after he left my place he was yelling obscenities at pedestrians and one of them caught the company number on the side of the van and called it in.

They sent two guys out to get him off the road. These two guys were also terrified by him. They somehow eventually got him back to the office and offered him substance abuse treatment. Because this company is actually a good employer. They tried to talk to him about his problems and what had precipitated his behaviour towards the pedestrians. He continued to be abusive and intimidating and was eventually removed from the premises by security.

I understand he has left town. Also, that his girlfriend broke up with him, which maybe was the catalyst for all this. It is sad. But it is not an excuse for being abusive and making people afraid.

I hope he gets the help he needs. I understand he has gone back to where his family lives. I hope they can be supportive while he sorts himself out. For two years he was our dry-cleaning pick-up and delivery driver, and there were no problems. I thought he was a pretty nice guy. Until the last time.

You can never know what another person is going through. I try not to judge. At the same time, I will not be threatened or made to feel afraid, especially in my own home. I can feel compassion and empathy for someone, even if they are not being pleasant. But I will not tolerate being terrorized. So I hope he gets his demons sorted out. But I am extremely glad he left town, so I don't have to fear him coming back in another rage.